Like bitch if my son is stealing pies off peoples windowsills it’s cause I TAUGHT him to do that..

my toxic trait is my calcium based barbs which break off in your skin and are frequently venomous

sexchange.tbt on Ig

actually its really sad we cant do inconsequential cartoon violence to eachother its not fair me and my friends cant throw bombs at eachother and put eachother through a giant cheese grater and toss eachother off cliffs

we need to get nerf guns and big inflatable mallets right now its all we fucking have

Because I'm only seeing other Jews posting about this, non-Jews I need you to be aware that for the past month or two there has been a wave of bomb threats and swattings at synagogues all across the US. They usually do it when services are being livestreamed. I haven't seen a single non-Jew talking about this. High holidays are coming up in a few weeks, which is when most attacks happen against our communities. We're worried, and we need people to know what's happening to us.

not to toot my own horn on a deliberately poorly made edit, but i just keep thinking about how perfect this specific image turned out

fuzzy's traumatized stare... bubbles looking like a raccoon that got caught rifling through the dumpster at midnight... it's honestly a masterpiece

saw someone refer to not knowing how to keep track of your money as "girl math" ......why are we in this weird era of treating women like idiots but repackaging it to sound cute and quirky. We All Need To Stop

at this point i also take issue with those tweets/posts that are of the genre “girls were meant to sit in their bed with treats and do nothing all day” it was fun and #relatable maybe the first few times but it’s really just feeding into this weird mass objectification and dehumanization of women going on all over every social media platform now

"YA books are brain rotting at any age" okay I know booktok is annoying but please get offline

For real though I may make jokes but YA is great and an absolutely valuable resource for tweens/teens and isn't completely represented by the love triangle romances it's become associated with (which tbh who cares if it does have that). YA includes Holes by Louis Sachar, Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula K Le Guin, The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas, The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros, Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi, Brown Girl Dreaming by Jacqueline Woodson, The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. And y'know I grew up reading a bunch of Sarah Dessen books, the Flowers in the Attic series, Thirteen Reasons Why, Twilight, Maximum Ride, etc etc and even though I probably wouldn't recommend those books now, they nurtured a love of reading that followed me afterwards!!! I'm grateful that people eventually realized that there is a tumultuous period between childhood and adulthood and gave that period of life a space in literature

OP must have been eating seasonal fruits when they wrote this!

Wow this sucks I'm gonna kill *remembers that suicide jokes only worsen your mental health and that the first step to healing is stopping* you

the massive power of trains yet confinement to a single path makes them comparable to angels

underrated form of humor: just making shit up in past tense

My personal favourite:

my favorite thing I made this semester

an absolute travesty this Simpsons clip isn't on YouTube in full by itself because I would fight for the honor of it being one of the best jokes in the entire show